Women must dress and act like men to succeed

You put on make up, not too much for you do not want to come across as a “tart” but just enough that so that you have that bright-eyed-fresh-faced glow. You go through your wardrobe meticulously picking out the right outfit that would present you exactly the way you want to be perceived that day.

Nothing too feminine or fashionable because you would not want to be taken lightly by your bosses and colleagues. So you go with your monochrome, I-mean-business-outfit – menswear designed for women. The finishing touch is your shoes – as closed non-descript as possible. Not flats because you are professional, but not too high heels because that would be too scandalising. 

I was in a meeting recently where I heard a high-ranking corporate woman making the assertion that women need to learn how to behave if they want to succeed. They talk too much and they get emotional. But the worst, according to her, was the way women dress to work. Lipstick, to her, is the professional world’s cardinal sin. “You can’t come in to work as though it is a fashion parade and expect men to take you seriously,” she said in all seriousness.

Women need to be more professional. “I believe if women want to succeed, they must act like men,” she proclaimed.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call internalised sexism. which happens when women take on sexist beliefs and behaviours upon themselves and view women through this sexist lens.

Since the day they were born, women are expected to dress, act and behave a certain way.  We dress baby girls in pink and baby boys in blue.  The toys girls are expected to play with are different than that of boys. Girls are to be graceful, gentle and polite where else boys are encouraged to be rough, tough and vocal.

In school, the length of girls’ skirts are monitored and once in puberty, god forbid their uniforms are form fitting lest their curves demoralise the whole school.   Some parents forbid their daughters from wearing make up, cutting their hair short or even wearing certain types of clothes.

Girls with curly hair are told their hair is unruly and even ugly, that they should do something about it. Tie it up or get it straightened. Girls in Chinese vernacular schools (at least in Penang) are expected to keep their hair short, with some schools institutionalising the permissible length. As for Muslim girls, the pressure to wear the tudung even if they do not want to is certainly great.

Not only are girls and women expected to adhere to the various dress codes, but they are also expected to dress according to their body type, or what we often hear as “dressing to flatter your shape”.  Lacking in the breast department, get the thickest padded push-up bra, and of suffering from too much breast, you have got to get them under control.

There is always this fine line that women are expected to toe when it comes to dressing.  Too casual and they are deemed not serious enough, little to no make up says you don’t value yourself, baggy clothes mean you have low self-esteem, hints of cleavage are indecent, and so on.

Over the years, these messages that women receive on a daily basis becomes the norm; that this is the way things are and it must therefore be correct.  We are socialised in a society that hold sexist ideas of women, their bodies and their dressing. And because we are raised in this society, we take on the practices of our society.

For we have internalised sexism, we now judge others based on these very ideas. The woman I encountered in that meeting holds on to the belief that women need to act like men to succeed and must dress “professionally” to work because she had to go through the same path. She had to act like a man and dress professionally for her to be taken seriously at work and to rise to the level of a general manager of a big conglomerate.

But what she does not realise is that she has taken on these ideas that stem from a sexist and patriarchal society. A woman’s success does not depend on how well she acts like a man, but on her individual capability. As for dressing, because we have this idea that a woman who is successful is dressed in a certain way, it does not mean it is true.

The way one dresses has no bearing on one’s capabilities, but is more of the belief that the more masculine a woman’s clothing, the more she is viewed as a capable worker and leader.  It’s actually quite similar to how we view people wearing a certain type of glasses to be smarter. The librarian glasses effect, as I would call it.

That day as I sat in the meeting listening to her, I wished I had worn my billowy blue and white polka-dotted dress with a full face of make up. It would have been glorious to have my femininity on full that day as I talked to her about gender equality and women’s empowerment, and why we should change public mind-set if we want women to given equal rights and access to opportunities.  Hopefully one day she will realise that masculinity is not the key to success and that femininity is not in any way inferior, and that she can be instrumental in making a change. – May 31, 2015.

* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.