Sex is a taboo in Malaysia, spoken in hush-hush tones unless if it involves certain politicians, celebrities or prominent figures.
Then our well-guarded Asian modesty is off the table, and we get to read or hear about the most sordid of details in our media.
Point-in-fact, there is an entire generation of Malaysians who learnt about sodomy in the years following 1998.
This past week, the subject of “tutup aurat” was red hot and flaming. Some said it was necessary to prevent rape, some said rape was more than a matter of dressing, and some just went overboard, trolling in the manner of the most uncivilised, rude and idiotic of Internet trolls.
Instead of reasoned and logical debate, allegations of disrespect, blasphemy and racism have been thrown around.
As much as I’d like to explore this particular issue or even reiterate for the millionth time that rape is not about sex but power, I’d prefer to examine how we have got to where we are now.
Just a day before all insanity broke loose, a PAS MP warned that sex education would lead youths to watch porn.
He would go on to quote some study or another that “teen pregnancies were the highest in areas that had aggressive and active promotion of sex education,” and “that sex education will not bring a positive impact, but will worsen social problems in society if it is not done based on Islamic methods.”
Islamic methods = abstinence, which also happens to be the Christian method practised in the US, a country infamous for its teenage pregnancy rate.
The thing with porn though, what with wide access to the Internet in Malaysia, is that there is nothing stopping anyone with an Internet-enabled device and connection to surf for porn. And knowing human behaviour, the more something is treated like a taboo or a mystery, the sweeter it is for the plucking.
Might I add that porn is not an invention of the WWW-era. Before the powers of Google and PornHub, roadside DVDs and VCDs peddlers fed the appetite of the curious and hungry, and before that video cassettes, magazines and books.
Unless you lived in complete isolation, access to pornographic materials was never impossible to lay hands on.
Since porn is just a click away, would it not make more sense to equip our youths with a sound knowledge of the human body, sexuality and the consequences of sex?
I firmly believe that sex education does not encourage teens to have sex or seek porn (well, they might still want to watch it because, you know, curiosity).
Instead, sex education, when planned and executed properly, instils a sense of responsibility.
Without sex education, our youths (who in a few years become adults) are not informed about sexually transmitted diseases and infections, pregnancy, healthy and unhealthy relationships, expectations and what exactly happens during sex.
What they know about sex comes from the TV shows and movies they watch, the songs they listen to and their peers.
Just listen closely to the songs that come on the radio stations and you would recognise the blatant references to unhealthy sexual relationships or double entendre that are cringe-worthy. “Can you blow my whistle baby… you just put your lips together” (Flo Rida) or “I saw, I came, I conquered. Or should I say, I saw I conquered, I came” (Pitbull, he of infinite sleaziness).
Joan Malin, President and CEO of Planned Parenthood, in a Valentine’s Day article on Huffington Post last week wrote, “Young people are constantly surrounded by messages about sex, sexuality, and body image. As more young people have access to information through the internet at continually earlier ages, comprehensive sex education is even more crucial to both correct misinformation and to provide resources for young people to critically and positively engage issues of sex and sexuality.”
The most troubling aspect of our deeply flawed discourse on sex is the notion of consent, or the lack of.
We tell our girls to dress a certain way, we tell our boys to look away, but are we telling them that the foundation of sex is mutual respect and both parties need consent to proceed?
Sex cannot be expected of another person or demanded of, and when it is forced upon, it is a crime.
Coercion is an act of imposing dominion over another; that is exactly what rape is. Argue all you want that the line is blurry or the area is grey, there is no other way around justifying rape.
An absence of no does not always mean yes. But who is telling our youths (and adults) this?
Abstinence only sex education has proven to be ineffective. We hear more reports of sexual violence, teenage pregnancies and sexual aggressions in Malaysia.
Cases such as incest, underage rape and marriage, gang rape, and revenge porn are making headlines at a more frequent pace.
Clearly the current approach is not working. Perhaps it is time to move from the conventional rhetoric of modesty, abstinence, and “maruah” to tackle sex head on. Remove the mystery, remove the stigma and open the discourse.
Just as it is in all matters of life, the more informed one is on sex, the better the decisions they make. Comprehensive sex education might not completely eliminate rape (once again, rape is not about sex, it is used to exert power and dominance), but it can pave the way for mutual respect, empowerment and challenging the convention of rape and sexual violence being a women’s issue. – February 15, 2015.
* This is the personal opinion of the writer or publication and does not necessarily represent the views of The Malaysian Insider.
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