Here’s looking at you… 2010!

JAN 2 — 2009 was the year Malaysians literally had to gaze at their hearts and navels to understand what it meant to be a believer or non-believer in this country. This was a year which tested the patience and tolerance of many.

It was unsettling, because the gloves had come off; if before we whispered about being The Other, The Maligned, The Superior, now we were those labels. 2009 was fantastic for writers, activists, intellectuals, but it was a very trying year for race relations.

To date, Kartika still has not been caned. The conservatives eagerly wait for her to be punished, while the liberal elites breathe out in relief that she has yet to be caned. And then we have Dr Ridhuan Tee Abdullah who has livened up this website as well as other forums. Is he a Fascist or suffering from an identity crisis? And, of course, we cannot forget the unfortunate cow’s head incident.

I’ve been writing my observations since 2005, and two things we have yet to achieve are tolerance and acceptance of living in a multi-racial country. Again, I would like to remind readers (writer’s note: am I the only writer in Malaysia to have deranged ones) I am not a Muslim scholar or activist.

I am more of an essayist who jots down her ideas and observations of Malaysian life. Writing about rather sensitive subjects, and being a woman, has taught me another thing about my fellow countrymen: very few are capable of reason and compassion. And that we cannot agree to disagree, and friendships are based on one’s political/religious leanings. Living in Malaysia is for the schizophrenic.

Still, I too have my own demons to battle. Having met the Ahmadiyyahs this year had me pondering on my issues: I am extremely conflicted about writing about them, because in the Muslim world, they are not considered true Muslims, and writing about them would mean I would have betrayed my faith.

But I uphold free speech and the freedom of faith; does their belief and devotion to their Messiah — Mirza Ghulam Ahmad — who was purported to be the reincarnation of Jesus, mean that they are bad people? Is it my conditioning and the indoctrination of Islam in Malaysia which has made me think that way? If I can write and want that the rights of those who are not of my faith respected, why am I hesitant about writing about the Ahmadiyyah?

Sometimes in my work, to get what I want I have no choice but to play the racial/religious card. For instance, my friends and I volunteer at Nursalam. Despite the cause being about marginalised children, to get support one has to plead for the sake of Muslim/Malay children.

Yes, they are predominantly Muslim, and most of the kids are Malays, but God help me and the other volunteers, is that our only ammunition to get support? But that is the reality of our volunteerism.

People question what the kids’ backgrounds are; whether if they donated money, it would be syariah compliant, and whether the money would go to the few non-Muslim kids at Nursalam, if there are any, because Muslims must help Muslims first.

This navel gazing has been good. It has forced us, and me, to be more vocal, and also seek out the good in our "enemies". It has made us curious to seek knowledge. It has made for very heartfelt and interesting conversations among our friends and lovers. It is good to argue. How can we stay married if we do not disagree and then find ways to live with each other?

It was at The Huffington Post that I came across Frank Schaeffer’s essay “Changing the Conversation on Religion (Before it Kills Us All)”. The rather volatile topic of faith in Malaysia, as well as elsewhere, will not go away because “…like it or not — people are spiritual beings.” He went on to continue: “We urgently need to make that conversation centre on embracing paradox rather than seeking — then trying to impose by force and or "reason" — our pet certainties on others.” Man needs to recognise that that paradox is the way things are is about more than theological conflicts, Schaeffer reiterated.

And perhaps that is what we should do in 2010: be more curious about each other. Embrace the goodness in each other. To stop looking at each other from the corners of our eyes. And maybe we do need more dramatic incidents which leave a bitter taste in our mouths, because these would force us to really look hard at ourselves in the mirror. The truth is not always pretty.

Happy New Year, everyone. I’m hoping for a peaceful and better year economically. As my mother says, it’s better to suffer when you have money than when you don’t.

Dina did a Facebook Quiz on Apakah Parti Anda Patut Sertai and found out that MCA was most compatible with her.